Good Bye to You

My heart is breaking as I forget your face
It's time to say good bye

Good bye to late night calls and surprise "I love you texts"
Good bye to all the "I miss you's" and most of all the make up sex
Good bye to all the smiles and the way you made me laugh

Good bye to all the heart ache and the way you made me feel
Good bye to all the lies, good bye to all the tears

You weren't the one for me and it's time to let you go
It's time to stop remembering

(unfinished)

ALMOST Published

I have finished a book! Hooray! And, am thinking about whether or not I just want it to be poetry or story too. I have pictures in a scrapbook in storage to finish it the way I want, but other than that.

Also, I'm doing it in Shutterfly. I'm okay with this so long as it's white, hardbound, published and mine.

First Attempt, for my grandmother

I wish you here to forever stay
But if not, I wish you were here for just one more day
I know that it's impossible and that I had my chance
I feel like an idiot knowing I knew in advance
I can't take it back, there's nothing I can do
My only hope is that you knew how much I loved you

I'm still trying to learn to live without you, to love without you
I'm still trying to hold on, to move on

Here without you things are falling apart
It seems like in this universe you were the heart
You kept the blood pumping, you kept up the flow
Without you things are dying, there's no where else to go

Your life is weighing heavy on my mind
Wondering if you were happy in your short lived life's time
Your making me think harder about my life than I ever have before
I just want to find some peace in this long eternal war

I'm lacking closure at the end of this thing
There were no services, no good byes, Your death was empty and it stings
I'm disappointed it ended this way
There's no where you went, there's no where you stayed
No place to visit, no place to pray

My heart is dead like winter and everything is cold
You were my heart, you were my soul

Invisible [not done]

Am I voiceless
or do you not see
all that I am or trying to be

You make me feel invisible
and I'm tired of trying
No matter what I do, it's all the same

You make me feel unwhole, useless and ashamed

The World is Not Enough

When he's away, I want to text him, call him, IM him, see him

When I'm around him I just want to get closer, to touch his hand or his face, play with his hair... to brush his arms or legs

When that happens, I want a little more. I want to kiss his lips, to be wrapped up in his embrace, to feel his skin upon mine, to cuddle and be completely entwined

When that happens, it's not enough. He takes his fingers and traces my arm. My blood responds to him, moving with his touch, back and forth, his movements controlling my body... my body wants more, I want more

I want to turn in to everything and nothing, blend in to him, explode in to a thousand molecules and melt in to each other

Maybe then, just maybe it would be enough

He Calls Me Missy

I am currently working on a series of books based on my previous writings and poetry but in a more organized fashion.

Currently waiting to print is He Calls Me Missy

Here is a sample

Our Life on the Radio

Shuffled, every song seems to say how I feel
Every song takes me to a time that used to be
A memory, a face, a smell… the way you made me feel
It's tearing at my insides, clawing for something to grasp
But you've left me so vacant, so empty
Your place is hard to fill and these words remind me
Over and over and over again
I get it, your irreplaceable.

Desk Magnets

Sometimes I wake up screaming,
dreams creating another reality, a different world,
breathtaking adventures - hot possibilities.
I believe love knows no limits.
Imagine it’s tender impact within a delicious savory kiss
While underrated illusions feel how we will settle the difference
If ever hearts delight should keep the same
Protect it’s only rare yet true mystery – choice

Introduction

Welcome to my blog of poetry. I've been writing since I was about 13 but I can say that nothing compares to those days of angst. I started out writing terrible rhymes and silly poems which turned in to a little more once I got to High School and hit an overwhelming hormonal puberty. I fell in love with Edgar Allan Poe and found favorites on the then poetry.com and was inspired to write about every little thing, every little feeling that was going on within me.

I've accumulated enough for volumes over time, not everything I'm proud of and to be honest not everything I remember writing in the first place. I remember a time when a piece of paper and pen were my best friend, and if I didn't have the former my arm. I miss those days of free flow and chaos.

While my thoughts seem to now dribble and my time with pen and paper are few I still have a passion for writing. It's the only thing I feel comfortable doing, inspired to do and can't live without.

I've been working on a book for the last 8 years and finally have one complete in a long line of series that still need organizing and editing. I hope to have them one day published even at the cost of my own penniless pocket.

I write what I see, what I feel, what I know. These are my Reflections

While you won't get the whole picture until they go to publishing I hope that you enjoy, that you can relate and that you take something from them. Feel free to leave feedback and honest opinions.

Amanda M.D.